Relationships Are the Flowers in the Garden of Life

Well. Sort of. Please forgive the cheesy title...but I really couldn't think of any other way to describe my line of thought. I've been thinking about relationships a lot lately. In particular...healthy relationships, what they look like, and how to maintain them (or not).

Something I've found myself repeating consistently over the last couple of years is, "Relationships change. They constantly look different. And you have to be OK with that." It has almost become my mantra.

As I continue to 'grow up', I have noticed that I examine relationships in a different way. I weigh them. I determine their value. I check for signs of Life and Death in them. I ask myself:'Is this relationship healthy?'

That's where the analogy I drew my title from comes in to play. I began to think about relationships in view of how my relationship with Christ works. I love the picture of the vine Jesus paints in John 15. He describes beautifully the process of tending the vine and making it healthy enough to bear fruit. He painfully describes the process of getting rid of the unhealthy vine, tossing it away to burn in the fire.

One of my least favorite words in John 15 is 'pruning'. It literally brings out an involuntary physical reaction from me when I hear it. Usually a shiver through my spine and an exasperated 'ugh!' I tend to be pretty surly when the topic of pruning is brought up as well. Nikki Lokey once told me she can always tell when Jesus is pruning me because of my attitude. (Which I'll be the first to admit is usually a bad one.) She went on to tell me however, that while pruning is no fun, it usually produces an incredibly beautiful plant.

Encylopedia Brittanica Online's listing for pruning says this:

the removal or reduction of parts of a plant, tree, or vine that are not
requisite to growth or production, are no longer visually pleasing, or are
injurious to health or development of the plant.

I think we can all see the spiritual implications that Jesus was pointing out about his relationship to us, but do you see the implications to relationships in general? Ultimately, our relationships with others are to reflect the relationship modeled between ourselves and Christ. So if it's that important that He be pruning us and making us healthy, productive, and beautiful, doesn't it stand to reason that our relationships with others need this as well?

If any of you actually pay attention to the things I post you will remember a note I posted on Facebook awhile back. I'd written the note after I read a book by Francine Rivers called Leota's Garden. In the note, I highlighted some of the Truths that Francine had so beautifully proclaimed in the book. Specifically, the process of pruning. Consider this:"A good pruning stimulates the right kind of growth. Same holds true with people." - Leota Reinhardt, Leota's Garden by Francine Rivers

Wise words. If our relationships with people are going to be healthy then we need to give ourselves a good pruning. And sometimes that means that the relationship may look different or even need to be cut off and removed completely. Will it be easy? No. Pruning is often hard, tiresome, and dirty work. Is it worth it? Yes. Being healthy is always worth it.

A word of warning though: Unskilled pruning can result in weakening the plant to the point of killing it. So before you start hacking off branches and hoping for the best, I suggest you start with asking God to prune you. And yes. I do happen to know exactly what I just said. Before you can do any worthwhile pruning in your relationships with others, you must make sure that your connection to the True Vine is healthy first. Otherwise, you will only have succeeded in landing yourself in the fire.

So, that's where I am right now. I have finally begun to maintenance my 'garden of relationships'. I am pruning and weeding and cultivating. But, the difference now is that I am also making sure that my relationship with Christ and others is healthy, fruitful, and pleasing to His eyes.


*(For further suggestions about how to create and maintain healthy relationships, there is a book called Boundaries by authors Cloud and Townsend. You may find it helpful. I haven't read it yet,frankly, because it scares the crap outta me, but I plan to soon. I have gleaned wisdom from its pages for years now through wise friends who have read the book.)