Teachable MOMents

We've all been there. That moment when someone tells you something and all you hear is," you're doing it wrong". Maybe that's not what they said or meant. But it's what we hear. 

How do you respond when someone is trying to correct you? If you're like me, your gut reaction is to shut down and tell them to mind their own business.  Especially if they're another parent trying to advise me. 

I mean, who do they think they are trying to tell me how to _______. They aren't better than me. Right? Why should I listen to them? 

Well, I had a moment one day when Silas was almost a one year old.  I was reading through a thread on my Facebook mommy group and the mom who posted was echoing those same sentiments. Then another mom spoke up. "Maybe if we stopped hearing,'you're wrong', when other moms sent us advice, the mommy wars would end. "

Huh? Whoa. I never thought about it like that. She went on to say that she had felt the same way many times. But then she realized that the moms who had reached out to her, genuinely cared about her and knew she loved her kids. They had learned something new and wanted to share. 

But instead of taking it in and really hearing their heart, she had assumed the worst and shut them out. Now, not all of these attempts to reach out were so innocent, she admitted. But a good chunk of them were. And if she had really stopped to read/hear their words in the moment instead of shutting down, she would have learned something valuable. Not just some tidbit of nutrition or car seat safety updates, but that she had the opportunity to forge a deep, rich, friendship with someone who cared for her. 

"I realized,"she said,"that I had stopped being teachable and lost the opportunity to pour into another mom and in turn be poured into. " 

That thread has been coming back to mind lately as I have watched many of my friends on social media make snap judgements of other parents or shut out well-meaning attempts to help because they felt judged. I started asking myself if I was doing that too. I had to admit that I do have that attitude sometimes. 

I think it comes down to a couple of things: being insecure about our choices as moms because we are on our own so much of the time. When we lost the tribe, we lost our confidence. Or the flip side, being so confident in our choice that we can't imagine that another choice might be just as "right" as ours. 

Now, I'm not saying that every time someone approaches you with a bit of advice that you have to (or need to) take it. What I am saying is this: take a deep breath. Take a step back. Listen to the heart behind the words. Tell them thank you for caring deeply about you and yours.

You don't have to take that advice but you can look at what they've offered with an open mind. It doesn't mean you have to change your mind. But it does mean that you've given them the opportunity to connect with you. You've allowed them to be a part of your village. You've allowed yourself to be teachable and reachable. 

We won't always agree with every parent on every topic. But we can agree to listen to each other. We can agree that we all love our kids. We can agree to model fellowship and love and deep, genuine, friendships for our children. We can stop reacting and start relating.