Shift

I had a conversation with a former co-worker this week that ended up kinda blowing my mind.  It lasted about 20 minutes, but I still can't stop thinking about it and what resulted in my own heart because of it.  My whole world shifted because of one little light bulb moment.


The best way I can convey what happened to me is to recount the conversation and how God used it to stir something in me:


I visited my former workplace this week and began to talk to a former co-worker.  We had a 20 minute conversation about what I've been doing, my ministry efforts, and it turned to my desire to visit Ghana and actually help at Pearl House as a volunteer sporadically in the future.  This also led to talking about the issue of human trafficking and why I think Pearl House can make a difference.  


By the end of the conversation my co-worker looks at me and says: 
"I'm really glad that you're doing something you're passionate about and using it to get involved in this trafficking project and it's great that it upsets you BUT, don't let it drive you crazy. I mean you can't fix it or do a whole lot, I'd hate for you to go crazy over this and turn into one of those radicals. You're a good girl!"


I told her I would try not to be a crazy person and we parted. But inside my head Jesus and I were having another conversation:
Me: Huh, when did I become in danger of becoming a "radical"? And when did being called a "good girl" start to make me feel like it was a bad thing?
Jesus: Is being considered radical that bad?
Me: I don't feel radical.
Jesus: In her world you are.
Me: That's very sad.
Jesus: There's more.
Me: What?
Jesus: There's more. This is just the beginning.
Me: Oh dear. Beginning of what?
Jesus: You felt "radical" for the first time today because someone noticed that you have changed in the few months since you left here.
Me: I haven't changed THAT much...have I?
Jesus: You have. And it's radically different from the you that worked here.


In that tiny little moment I realized what God had been doing in me for the last few months.  For me, over time, it didn't seem like I was changing or had any major spiritual leaps.  But in one tiny moment, God moved the curtain a little and I was able to see what He had done in technicolor, wide screen, 3D, whatever you wanna call it, through the vantage point of someone on the outside of my life looking in.  A beacon of light broke down from the heavens and highlighted every little step I had taken and gave me a vision of who I was, who I am becoming, and who I could be.  BAM.  Shift.  Wow.  It was shocking.  Overwhelming. Breath taking.


Me: OH CRAP. YOU'RE RIGHT.
Jesus: And THAT is just the beginning.
Me: Whoa. I think my world just shifted a little. I'm excited and frightened and... Do I need to know anymore right now? Because I think I might freak out.
Jesus, with a definite smile in His voice: That's all for now. But you need to be ready for the rest.
End conversation.


My life and my heart are forever changed because of that itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, little glimpse from God.  I am a little less selfish.  I am a little more aware of my surroundings.  I realized I have a heart.  I can be compassionate.  I can be PASSIONATE.  


I find myself for the first time more willing that I have ever been to actually be fearless for the Lord and His calling.  Of course I'm terrified, but to be fearless doesn't mean I am unafraid...just willing to move beyond that crippling fear and into the freedom of obedience and life in Christ.  Being fearful= inaction.  Being fearless=action.  Make sense?


I don't know what's happening to me or where I'm headed.   I know it's Christ in me moving me towards something big.  I'm ready.  Bring it on.  I don't think I could ever look back now.  

White Flag (Or New Orders)

I couldn't decide how I wanted to title this post...in keeping with my battle theme from the first two, I thought 'white flag' was appropriate, but then it also sounded like I was giving up, when in reality I was very much victorious.  So then I thought, 'new orders' because even though I won, I'm also moving on.  So I went with both.  Sort of.  Anyway...

My last post talked about the drama I had going on at work, in particular with my boss, and about how God had asked me to trust him and I wasn't sure at the time what that meant exactly.  Ready to find out? :)

After my boss refused to talk things through with me (in fact, refused to talk to me at all), I went back to my assistant director and talked to her.  I had several options, all of which would only lead to more drama, more stress, and no real solution.

So we prayed.  She prayed.  I prayed.  My husband, family, close friends...all of us prayed.  And then God spoke so clearly it was almost audible (at least for me):  'TRUST ME'.  Only this time, He also said,' LEAVE'.  And by leave, I mean my job.  So, I turned in my two weeks notice and as of December 22, I am no longer employed.

I have to admit, leaving without knowing what I was stepping into was pretty scary for me.  I am a planner.  I like plans.  Especially ones with a beginning, middle, and end.  And me seeing all of those things from the beginning.

As God asked me to leave the library I remember saying to Him, 'Ok, but..uh...what's next?'  I had been turning in resumes and applications at every opportunity I had seen for two months.  I hadn't had one call back.  As I asked, Holy Spirit spoke up.  He said, 'Courtney, do you trust the Lord?'  'Well, yeah, 'I answered.  'Then have faith.'

Have faith?  Uh oh.  God rarely utters those two words without crazy stuff happening afterword.  Just look at what happened to Abraham (became the father of a nation) or Moses (became the leader of a nation) or Mary (became mother to the Messiah!!).  CRAZY STUFF.

Now, my case isn't that extreme, but at the time I didn't know that. Ha ha.  So I ran to my hubby and closest prayer warriors and asked them to PRAY.  I mean, REALLY PRAY.  :)  And they did.

Hubby and I both prayed specifically that God would give us a clearer picture of what He meant when He said, "Trust Me and have faith".  Boy, did He answer.  It may not have been a call to lead a nation...but it was pretty life changing.

'What?! What did He answer?!', you ask?  He asked me to quit my job.  Then He asked me to trust Him.  Then He asked me to have faith.  Then He asked me to give Him my time.  All of it.  He asked me to enter into full-time ministry.  And He asked me to trust that He would provide for my family financially, because the ministry He wanted me to be a part of full-time can't pay me unless I raise my own support.

Yeah.  I'm pretty blown away too.

So, I put on my big girl panties and said,'OK, Lord.'

I enlisted friends to pray.   I drew up a "business plan" for the founder of the ministry to look at and waited.  That turned into such an enthusiastic response, I can't even do it justice here, ha ha.  Let's just say that God gave me a HUGE vision for my future in I.D. Ministries and Courtney Belle was VERY excited.

So that led to making contact through another I.D. person with someone who could help me figure out how to make this happen financially.  And that turned into getting my first guaranteed donor towards my first paycheck.  And an invaluable resource and 'mentor' so to speak!!

I'm still not 100% sure how everything will work or when it will all be nailed down.  And even if I don't make a dime, I will be devoting my time and attention to the calling God has placed on me.  I can't wait!

I am PUMPED UP right now.  God is so good.  And I can't wait to see where else these new orders will lead me.

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord,"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11