The Parent Trap (and not the Disney kind)

This blog post is hard for me.  Because this topic is a hot stinky pile of poo.  But I can't keep dodging the poo-slinging.  People I love and care about on both sides have been burned.  Badly.

There is a war going on.

I'm talking about a war staged on social media and mainstream media.  I'm talking about a battle of words and wit waged by moms, dads, and "trolls" alike.  It covers topics ranging from how we put our kids to sleep to how we discipline, from how we feed our children to what we feed them, from "crunchy" lifestyle choices to "mainstream" choices, from "gentle"/"attachment" parenting to "unattached" parenting (or whatever you call the opposite of AP).  I am talking about the "Mommy Wars" or let's just call it what it is: The "I Can Do Anything You Can Do Better Than You Can, I Can Do Anything Better Than YOU! Wars"  .  Yeah, I went there. 

Now before you completely tune me out, let me fully admit right here and right now that I HAVE PARTICIPATED IN THESE WARS.  I have slung sarcasm and rudeness with the best of them.  I have taken offense and given it.  I too fell for the trap.

What trap? 

I'm so glad you asked.  The trap of judging my fellow parents.  The trap of tearing them down just because they do something I don't do.  The trap of thinking that anyone who does or says differently than I do must be wrong and therefore evil and in turn judging me back!

And you know what?  I am absolutely 100% hurting God's heart.  Ouch.

Ephesians 4:25-32 "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."


Oh man,  do you hear what the Word says here?  The words that I speak/type have power.  They can make or break.  I feel like they've done a lot of breaking lately.  Breaking spirits, breaking bonds, breaking future ministry opportunities, breaking my own heart.   

I've been doing a lot of thinking on this topic.  Like I said, I found myself caught up in the word war with other parents.  So I decided to take a step back.  

I asked myself," What is my true view point on parenting? "

Well, I think we all do the best we can.  I think when we learn better, we do better.  Sometimes that means admitting we are wrong by changing what we do and moving on.  Sometimes that means we see someone else making similar choices.  What do we do then?
  
By the parenting war standards that means we have two options: 1. Inform them that they are wrong.  2.  Justify being angry and rude by pulling the "judgement" card when we are told we are wrong.  But Holy Spirit says we have one option: Give grace to those who hear us.

As a believer, I can not participate in these battles any longer.  I just can't.  I can still post things that I think are relevant.  I can engage in civil and edifying conversation with those who are willing to do the same.  But I can not and will not "go there" when it comes to "proving" myself and my choices.  I will no longer cater to the argumentative and close-minded.  I will not sell out to the "only one can stand" point of view.  I will do what I think is best.  I will advocate for education and choices.

Because when it comes down to it I've realized that Christ is more important than being right.  Christ is more important than anything.  So I don't care if you vaccinate, don't vaccinate, yell at your kids, negotiate with your kids, spank your kids, reason with your kids, feed your kids McDonald's, feed your kids organic unprocessed food, or for heaven's sake breast feed or formula feed.  I care about whether I am loving you like Christ.  I care about whether the words that I speak (whether you agree with them or not) are loving and point to Christ.  I care about my relationship with you more than I care about whether we both get gold stars on the parenting chart. 

Ask yourself: Is my child happy and healthy?  Am I happy and healthy?  Is Christ honored when I  speak? 

Parents, friends, what is your motive when you post something or comment on someone else's post? Is it to contradict? Is it to offer your thoughts on your own research? There's a big difference. And it comes down to knowing why you feel the need to engage in the first place. If your motive is driven by an emotion, stop. If it is driven by a need to "one up" another parent, stop. If it is driven by a desire to cause dissension or offense, stop. 

Just stop. 

Stop perpetuating this silly little social media spat.  Stop contributing to the alienation of parents.  Support the parents in your path.  Love them.  Extend grace.  Stop and think before speaking.  You may not always agree with a parenting choice.  And you may indeed have a better way.  But no one is going to want to take a look at it if your ramming it down their throats.   

Examine your motives. Examine your heart. 

I'm not saying to stop posting or commenting. I'm just saying that there's a better way to educate, inform, and support other parents. And you know what, believers? It starts with us. We are the example. We are the light in the dark. Our words carry weight. They carry power. And they should carry grace. 

Bottom line: It's not about being the better parent.  It's about being a better sharer of the Gospel.

White Flag (Or New Orders)

I couldn't decide how I wanted to title this post...in keeping with my battle theme from the first two, I thought 'white flag' was appropriate, but then it also sounded like I was giving up, when in reality I was very much victorious.  So then I thought, 'new orders' because even though I won, I'm also moving on.  So I went with both.  Sort of.  Anyway...

My last post talked about the drama I had going on at work, in particular with my boss, and about how God had asked me to trust him and I wasn't sure at the time what that meant exactly.  Ready to find out? :)

After my boss refused to talk things through with me (in fact, refused to talk to me at all), I went back to my assistant director and talked to her.  I had several options, all of which would only lead to more drama, more stress, and no real solution.

So we prayed.  She prayed.  I prayed.  My husband, family, close friends...all of us prayed.  And then God spoke so clearly it was almost audible (at least for me):  'TRUST ME'.  Only this time, He also said,' LEAVE'.  And by leave, I mean my job.  So, I turned in my two weeks notice and as of December 22, I am no longer employed.

I have to admit, leaving without knowing what I was stepping into was pretty scary for me.  I am a planner.  I like plans.  Especially ones with a beginning, middle, and end.  And me seeing all of those things from the beginning.

As God asked me to leave the library I remember saying to Him, 'Ok, but..uh...what's next?'  I had been turning in resumes and applications at every opportunity I had seen for two months.  I hadn't had one call back.  As I asked, Holy Spirit spoke up.  He said, 'Courtney, do you trust the Lord?'  'Well, yeah, 'I answered.  'Then have faith.'

Have faith?  Uh oh.  God rarely utters those two words without crazy stuff happening afterword.  Just look at what happened to Abraham (became the father of a nation) or Moses (became the leader of a nation) or Mary (became mother to the Messiah!!).  CRAZY STUFF.

Now, my case isn't that extreme, but at the time I didn't know that. Ha ha.  So I ran to my hubby and closest prayer warriors and asked them to PRAY.  I mean, REALLY PRAY.  :)  And they did.

Hubby and I both prayed specifically that God would give us a clearer picture of what He meant when He said, "Trust Me and have faith".  Boy, did He answer.  It may not have been a call to lead a nation...but it was pretty life changing.

'What?! What did He answer?!', you ask?  He asked me to quit my job.  Then He asked me to trust Him.  Then He asked me to have faith.  Then He asked me to give Him my time.  All of it.  He asked me to enter into full-time ministry.  And He asked me to trust that He would provide for my family financially, because the ministry He wanted me to be a part of full-time can't pay me unless I raise my own support.

Yeah.  I'm pretty blown away too.

So, I put on my big girl panties and said,'OK, Lord.'

I enlisted friends to pray.   I drew up a "business plan" for the founder of the ministry to look at and waited.  That turned into such an enthusiastic response, I can't even do it justice here, ha ha.  Let's just say that God gave me a HUGE vision for my future in I.D. Ministries and Courtney Belle was VERY excited.

So that led to making contact through another I.D. person with someone who could help me figure out how to make this happen financially.  And that turned into getting my first guaranteed donor towards my first paycheck.  And an invaluable resource and 'mentor' so to speak!!

I'm still not 100% sure how everything will work or when it will all be nailed down.  And even if I don't make a dime, I will be devoting my time and attention to the calling God has placed on me.  I can't wait!

I am PUMPED UP right now.  God is so good.  And I can't wait to see where else these new orders will lead me.

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord,"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11

Exit Strategy aka Operation: New Beginnings

Wow.  So much has happened since my last blog post.  Mostly more drama...most of it work, some of it personal...but, lordy, was there drama.  *Wipes sweat from brow*
Where do I start?  Hmm...I think I'll start with work, move to Old Blue, and wrap up with work again.  So, here we go.  After my last post, I had another meeting with my Assistant Director and we agreed to just see if things could simmer down while I continued to seek ways to make peace with my coworkers and looked for an opportunity to approach my boss.  Over time things have calmed down between my self and my coworkers.  But things still haven't been right between me and the boss.  So yesterday when she gave me yet another dressing down, I got brave.  I asked her what I'd done and how could I make things right with her?  Turns out she has been upset.  But won't discuss the event that caused her to be upset with me...she feels it's "none of my business".  What??
In a nutshell: Someone told her something about me that has caused her to decide she no longer wants to have anything to do with me.  But she never came to me to see if what was said was true or give me an opportunity to fix it.  I was given a vague idea of what was said, but was told I didn't need to know and that we were just going to move on.  She informed me that I could not count on her for support or anything really in the future...she was done talking about the situation and she was done with me.
Of course I was confused, hurt, angry...but most of all peaceful. 'Wait, did she say peaceful', you ask? Yeah, it threw me off too.  For the first time, I felt like I had done EVERYTHING I could...and even though it wasn't enough...I knew that I had conducted myself with integrity and grace.  That doesn't happen very often people.  Ask my close friends and family.  They'll tell you I'm a scrapper at heart.  I was raised southern and yes, my neck is red, which means I know how to raise some..ahem...Cain. ;)  It also means I've experienced more than my fair share of grace from those same close friends and family.  I recognize it for what it is worth...way more than I could ever deserve.
Through all of this I recognized that God was trying to teach me something more deep than I could have ever seen.  He was cultivating in me a response I had never been willing to give to Him...until now.  We'll get back to what that is in a minute.  Now for Old Blue.
Oh, Old Blue.  Gosh, darn it, I loved that car.  Yes, car.  She was my first and she was loyal and true to the end.
On October 22, Old Blue was the victim of an untimely demise...she was murdered.  It sounds harsh, but at the time it's how I felt.  My poor car was completely totaled in a car accident on I-35.
My sister was with me and we both are OK.  I have some soft tissue damage in my shoulders and lower back, but physical therapy is working and I'm on the mend.
All in all, it really could have been a horrible accident.  But good Old Blue sacrificed herself for her people and will forever remain a hero in my eyes.  I'm so dramatic.  I know.
But in all seriousness, Blue was a tank and she took the hit like a trouper. Driving that car, that day, literally kept my little sis and I from larger harm.  As the accident happened it was amazing to see God's hand moving in real time all around us.  His timing really is perfect.  It happened so quickly and yet, there were only 3 cars involved in the accident, when it could easily have been a pile up, and there were no major injuries.  Clear cut miracle.  No joke.
As I said, the car was totaled.  So I have had the last few weeks to deal with insurance companies and agents and adjustors, and looking for a new car.  It's been very overwhelming.  So overwhelming that I stopped agonizing over work.
They say the body can only handle one major pain at a time...even if you hurt all over, your brain will pick up on which pain is the most sensitive and channel your attention there.  I think that's how my brain works with stress too.  So I've been totally focused on the car and all that went into that I stopped worrying about what was happening at work.  And every step of the way in all of this God was saying,'Trust me. Trust me. Trust me.'
Again, I heard him say it, yesterday before, during, and after the conversation with my boss.  And again, when I went to my assistant director.  I knew that what I had set out to do here had happened.  When all of this began, my only goal was to attempt to make peace with my coworkers and know that whatever the result...I had tried and God was honored.  I accomplished that.  I have been released from my burden here.  And given orders to start down a new path.  I'm not sure I know what that will look like yet, but I'm excited to see.  God knew that I needed to have this experience so that I could trust His voice again.  He was singing over me all along. He was constantly urging me to trust, sending me messages in His word, speaking to me through Holy Spirit, and sending me wise counsel in the form of Lisa Howell and Nikki Lokey.  He was constant and true, and He never gave up.
Each time I heard the Lord speak, I knew down deep that I was answering Him back with a yes.  I just wasn't sure what I was saying yes to.  But in every situation with work, and the car, and having to buy a New Blue, and the situation that happened yesterday, I had an underlying peace, and last night, I knew that I could let go and follow with a new found determination.  I don't know where we are going, but we are going...somewhere.  It will be incredible.