Trust & Obey

I 've had the old hymn "Trust and Obey" stuck in my head for a week.  It just popped in there and hung around for a bit.  It was never one that particularly struck a chord with me or one of my top ten go-to hymns, but there it was.  I think the fact that it's a pretty good summary of my journey right now isn't coincidental.  Jesus says,'Trust Me', and I say,"I'll obey" has been the ebb and flow of me for a few months now.

Today, I sat working on some things and again, that old tune started up.  So, in an effort to get it out of my head, I googled it.  There they were: the lyrics.  Yes, I thought, I'll sing it a couple times and get it out of my head and move on.  The music started up and I glanced at the first verse and began to sing.  By verse two, I was unable to sing because the tears were flowing quickly and my voice was too thick with emotion to continue.

When we walk with the Lord
  In the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way;
  While we do His good will,
  He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

• Trust and obey,
  For there's no other way
  To be happy in Jesus,
    But to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise,
  Not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
  Not a doubt or a fear,
  Not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Look at the words.  Read them. Soak them in.  When we walk with the Lord, glory He sheds on our way, no shadow, no fear, no doubt, He drives them away while we trust and obey.  I have never felt more fearless...I've been trusting and obeying...I've never been so happy, even in the face of adversity, I've been trusting and obeying. 

Not a burden we bear,
  Not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
  Not a grief or a loss,
  Not a frown or a cross,
But is blest if we trust and obey.

My burdens? My sorrows? He repays them, He blesses me through them.  I truly get that now.

But we never can prove
  The delights of His love,
Until all on the altar we lay;
  For the favor He shows,
  And the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

This verse echoes in my heart: But we never can prove the delights of His love, until all on the altar we lay.  It's deep down Truth.  Until I trusted him and layed down all I had on the altar of obedience, I could never have enjoyed the delight of His love the way that I do now.  It is so much richer, sweeter, fuller...

Shift

I had a conversation with a former co-worker this week that ended up kinda blowing my mind.  It lasted about 20 minutes, but I still can't stop thinking about it and what resulted in my own heart because of it.  My whole world shifted because of one little light bulb moment.


The best way I can convey what happened to me is to recount the conversation and how God used it to stir something in me:


I visited my former workplace this week and began to talk to a former co-worker.  We had a 20 minute conversation about what I've been doing, my ministry efforts, and it turned to my desire to visit Ghana and actually help at Pearl House as a volunteer sporadically in the future.  This also led to talking about the issue of human trafficking and why I think Pearl House can make a difference.  


By the end of the conversation my co-worker looks at me and says: 
"I'm really glad that you're doing something you're passionate about and using it to get involved in this trafficking project and it's great that it upsets you BUT, don't let it drive you crazy. I mean you can't fix it or do a whole lot, I'd hate for you to go crazy over this and turn into one of those radicals. You're a good girl!"


I told her I would try not to be a crazy person and we parted. But inside my head Jesus and I were having another conversation:
Me: Huh, when did I become in danger of becoming a "radical"? And when did being called a "good girl" start to make me feel like it was a bad thing?
Jesus: Is being considered radical that bad?
Me: I don't feel radical.
Jesus: In her world you are.
Me: That's very sad.
Jesus: There's more.
Me: What?
Jesus: There's more. This is just the beginning.
Me: Oh dear. Beginning of what?
Jesus: You felt "radical" for the first time today because someone noticed that you have changed in the few months since you left here.
Me: I haven't changed THAT much...have I?
Jesus: You have. And it's radically different from the you that worked here.


In that tiny little moment I realized what God had been doing in me for the last few months.  For me, over time, it didn't seem like I was changing or had any major spiritual leaps.  But in one tiny moment, God moved the curtain a little and I was able to see what He had done in technicolor, wide screen, 3D, whatever you wanna call it, through the vantage point of someone on the outside of my life looking in.  A beacon of light broke down from the heavens and highlighted every little step I had taken and gave me a vision of who I was, who I am becoming, and who I could be.  BAM.  Shift.  Wow.  It was shocking.  Overwhelming. Breath taking.


Me: OH CRAP. YOU'RE RIGHT.
Jesus: And THAT is just the beginning.
Me: Whoa. I think my world just shifted a little. I'm excited and frightened and... Do I need to know anymore right now? Because I think I might freak out.
Jesus, with a definite smile in His voice: That's all for now. But you need to be ready for the rest.
End conversation.


My life and my heart are forever changed because of that itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, little glimpse from God.  I am a little less selfish.  I am a little more aware of my surroundings.  I realized I have a heart.  I can be compassionate.  I can be PASSIONATE.  


I find myself for the first time more willing that I have ever been to actually be fearless for the Lord and His calling.  Of course I'm terrified, but to be fearless doesn't mean I am unafraid...just willing to move beyond that crippling fear and into the freedom of obedience and life in Christ.  Being fearful= inaction.  Being fearless=action.  Make sense?


I don't know what's happening to me or where I'm headed.   I know it's Christ in me moving me towards something big.  I'm ready.  Bring it on.  I don't think I could ever look back now.