This blog post is hard for me. Because this topic is a hot stinky pile of poo. But I can't keep dodging the poo-slinging. People I love and care about on both sides have been burned. Badly.
There is a war going on.
I'm talking about a war staged on social media and mainstream media. I'm talking about a battle of words and wit waged by moms, dads, and
"trolls" alike. It covers topics ranging from how we put our kids to sleep to how we discipline, from how we feed our children to what we feed them, from
"crunchy" lifestyle choices to "mainstream" choices, from "gentle"/
"attachment" parenting to "unattached" parenting (or whatever you call the opposite of AP). I am talking about the "Mommy Wars" or let's just call it what it is: The "I Can Do Anything You Can Do Better Than You Can, I Can Do Anything Better Than YOU! Wars" . Yeah, I went there.
Now before you completely tune me out, let me fully admit right here and right now that I HAVE PARTICIPATED IN THESE WARS. I have slung sarcasm and rudeness with the best of them. I have taken offense and given it. I too fell for the trap.
What trap?
I'm so glad you asked. The trap of judging my fellow parents. The trap of tearing them down just because they do something I don't do. The trap of thinking that anyone who does or says differently than I do must be wrong and therefore evil and in turn judging me back!
And you know what?
I am absolutely 100% hurting God's heart. Ouch.
Ephesians 4:25-32 "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another. 26 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 27 and give no opportunity to the devil. 28 Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. 29 Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
Oh man, do you hear what the Word says here? The words that I speak/type have power. They can make or break. I feel like they've done a lot of breaking lately. Breaking spirits, breaking bonds, breaking future ministry opportunities, breaking my own heart.
I've been doing a lot of thinking on this topic. Like I said, I found myself caught up in the word war with other parents. So I decided to take a step back.
I asked myself," What is my true view point on parenting? "
Well, I think we all do the best we can. I think when we learn better, we do better. Sometimes that means admitting we are wrong by changing what we do and moving on. Sometimes that means we see someone else making similar choices. What do we do then?
By the parenting war standards that means we have two options: 1. Inform them that they are wrong. 2. Justify being angry and rude by pulling the "judgement" card when we are told we are wrong. But Holy Spirit says we have one option: Give grace to those who hear us.
As a believer, I can not participate in these battles any longer. I just can't. I can still post things that I think are relevant. I can engage in civil and edifying conversation with those who are willing to do the same. But I can not and will not "go there" when it comes to "proving" myself and my choices. I will no longer cater to the argumentative and close-minded. I will not sell out to the "only one can stand" point of view. I will do what I think is best. I will advocate for education and choices.
Because when it comes down to it I've realized that Christ is more important than being right. Christ is more important than anything. So I don't care if you vaccinate, don't vaccinate, yell at your kids, negotiate with your kids, spank your kids, reason with your kids, feed your kids McDonald's, feed your kids organic unprocessed food, or for heaven's sake breast feed or formula feed. I care about whether I am loving you like Christ. I care about whether the words that I speak (whether you agree with them or not) are loving and point to Christ. I care about my relationship with you more than I care about whether we both get gold stars on the parenting chart.
Ask yourself: Is my child happy and healthy? Am I happy and healthy? Is Christ honored when I speak?
Parents, friends, what is your motive when you post something or comment on someone else's post? Is it to contradict? Is it to offer your thoughts on your own research? There's a big difference. And it comes down to knowing why you feel the need to engage in the first place. If your motive is driven by an emotion, stop. If it is driven by a need to "one up" another parent, stop. If it is driven by a desire to cause dissension or offense, stop.
Just stop.
Stop perpetuating this silly little social media spat. Stop contributing to the alienation of parents. Support the parents in your path. Love them. Extend grace. Stop and think before speaking. You may not always agree with a parenting choice. And you may indeed have a better way. But no one is going to want to take a look at it if your ramming it down their throats.
Examine your motives. Examine your heart.
I'm not saying to stop posting or commenting. I'm just saying that there's a better way to educate, inform, and support other parents. And you know what, believers? It starts with us. We are the example. We are the light in the dark. Our words carry weight. They carry power. And they should carry grace.
Bottom line: It's not about being the better parent. It's about being a better sharer of the Gospel.
