Raising A Child in a Facebook Obsessed Society

If you're my age or older, then you probably grew up in a time when the extent of making sure kids were protected from being exploited, stolen, or molested was making sure they knew the "stranger/danger" rules.  You know: Don't Talk To Strangers, Don't Go Anywhere By Yourself,  Always Tell An Adult If You've Been Approached By A Stranger, Don't Take Anything (whether it be candy or a cute little puppy) From Strangers, Etc.  These rules kept us safe.  These rules made our parents feel safer.  They worked...for the most part.  But the rules have changed.  They've had to in today's technology driven society.

Most of you know that I work with teenagers on a weekly basis.  I am a youth worker at our church and I work closely with a teenage girls ministry.  Because of this I've had to educate myself over the years about the dangers and risks our kids are exposed to.  One of the biggest concerns parents, educators, mentors, etc. have to deal with today is TECHNOLOGY.  It's everywhere.  It's accessible.  And our kids know how to find, use it, and move on to the next new thing before we've even got a grasp on the last tech fad.  And here's the disturbing part: people who target our kids for exploitation of any kind, know this, and are keeping up with them. 

In the last decade alone we've seen the popularity explosion of social media sites like Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Xanga, Tumblr, Instagram, etc.  And for the most part we probably view them as harmless fun.  But if you look at the news, with the growth of these sites we've also seen an increase in issues like cyber-bullying (and bullying in general), sexting, kids posting pics of themselves in provocative dress/pose or even nude, chat rooms dedicated to flirting and hooking up, etc.  And if you're teen is involved in any of these risky behaviors (with or without your knowledge, let's face it, they know how to keep things hidden just like we did growing up), then you can bet there's a chance they've come into contact with a "creeper" (someone who definitely is looking to take advantage). 

We live in a time where online safety is a huge issue.  And while there have been huge successes in legislating Internet and technology safety laws and statutes, and many big names have championed the platform and brought awareness and education to the public, many kids are still at risk.  They're at risk because we as parents, role models, etc., have to be more active in protecting them.  

We have to teach them why privacy settings are important and how to use them.  We have teach them why accepting friend requests from strangers or even people they barely know is risky and how to respond.  We have to teach them why it's never a good idea to post when we are out of town, when we are home alone, where we are going without our parents, etc.  We have to physically sit down with them and talk about relationships, flirting, modesty, dating, gossip, etc.  Otherwise, what they know is what they experience...online.  Oh, and we have to model this for them ourselves.  Because if we aren't doing it, you can bet they'll ignore everything we say and who can blame them?

As a new parent myself (baby boy will arrive in just a couple of months!), I was suddenly faced with the realization that I needed to figure out how I was going to protect my own child online.  I believe it has to start now with how I choose to use the Internet.  I use all the privacy settings, I make sure that I actually know the people on my friends list or have a connection with them through ministry, etc.  I even clean out my friends lists periodically to make sure I haven't gained a few "spam accounts" as friends or delete people that I never talk to or see in person, etc.  I post pictures and photo albums all the time.  And until recently, I didn't really pay attention or care about what happened to those pictures once friends and family had access to them.

It hit me all of a sudden when I saw that my mom had shared an album of mine to her own Facebook wall.  Then she shared it to my dad's Facebook wall.  Now I had no problem with that whatsoever.  It was just some maternity pictures my sister and I had taken together and she was understandably excited to share them with all of her friends.  In fact, I had already planned on sharing the album to her but she saw them come up in her newsfeed before I was finished arranging my album.

I'm not sure I would have thought any more about it except that in that moment I realized...I thought I had set the privacy setting on that to the one where only my friends could see these pictures. I very specifically used the custom privacy setting for friends only and turned off the option that friends of friends could view the album.  But obviously mom had shared the album and now her friends were liking and commenting on them on her page.  People I didn't personally know now had access to pictures of me.  

What the heck, Facebook?  I can set my privacy settings all I want but ultimately, anyone who can see my pictures can do whatever they want with them.  My immediate thought was for the outrageous number of pictures I had just posted of my nephew (my newest obsession).  My next thought was for my own son and any pictures I might post of him later on.

Now, don't get me wrong,  I love that my mom was proud of her girls and excited enough that she wanted to share the pictures of us.  And I love that she's excited about being grams and wants to show everyone how adorable her grand kids are (Wyatt is undeniably the cutest thing I've ever seen, and I have no doubts that my son will be just as deliciously precious).  BUT, there was this little inkling of doubt in my mind about the safety of her friends list.  

My mom is a "friend maker".  She has a huge heart and loves to take people under her wing and be their friend.  She is a member of every group ever invented on Facebook I think.  Because she loves to meet people and learn new things.  This has and always will be an admirable quality of hers.  I don't make friends easily and I hope that her openness and friendliness will be something my child inherits from her.

My concern lies in that many of the people she's "met" in these groups have graduated up to her friends list.  She's never actually met these people in person (many are even international) and she only knows them online.  In her mind, they are her friends.  They would never be bad people or people that would take advantage of her kids/grand kids.  She would never put us or our kiddos in danger.  

And I know that this is true about her...but what she doesn't really understand is that it's not about my not trusting her judgement.  It's about me knowing that who a person says they are online can be anything they want and doesn't necessarily mean that they are who they say they are in reality.

Mom grew up in the "stranger/danger" era.  She raised kids in the "stranger/danger" era.  But the "stranger/danger" era didn't account for the Internet or online friends or Facebook.  So understandably, she never thought about the implications of allowing people that don't personally know her in the real world access to pictures of her kids/grand kids.  And obviously, I didn't think about it either until just that minute.

Now, I know that I can never 100% protect my kid from the dangers this twisted and wicked world holds for him.  I know that someday, somehow, he will be exposed to something terrible and heartbreaking for this mama.  I know that eventually I have to let go of him and trust the Lord to guide his steps.  But I also know that just because I trust the Lord, it doesn't mean that I should sit back and do nothing.  That would be stupid. And anyone who says differently is an idiot.  The Lord can protect us by instilling cautious instincts and providing appropriate boundaries too.

So as I pondered just how I was going to raise this child in a Facebook drenched world, and how on earth I was going to do the best I could to protect him from harm as far and as long as it was possible for me to do so, I had to think about boundaries I wanted to put in place for him and my family.  I know that I can use my privacy settings to allow only certain people to see my pics (instead of all of my friends).  I know that my husband can do the same. 

But did I have any right to ask others to execute certain precautions, i.e. our immediate families?  Well, boundaries are about loving people the best that we can.  So, knowing that I love our family and they love us, I decided that at least opening a dialogue with them about this would be an OK option.

I came up with a few things that I thought might help my Facebook conundrum:  
1. If you take the picture, I can't tell you what to do with it.  That's up to you.  It's yours.  (This is me trusting the Lord.)
2.  If I take the picture and share it to you, then I by default have given you leave to do what you want with it.  (Again, me trusting...) 
3.  If you are looking at pictures that I have posted but not shared directly to you, then I only ask that you check with me before sharing it yourself.  Or if you see a pic that you love and think your friends would love, by all means, ask me to share it to you and if I feel it's appropriate I will do so.  (Hey, look at all this trust going on...)

I sent these possibilities on to our family with an explanation of why and how, etc., and asked them what they thought. 

Some were upset and offended that I would try to restrict them or question their trustworthiness or the trustworthiness of their friends.  These even went so far as to say they would never even look at my pictures again, that if I wanted them to see them, then I could just share them to them myself, etc.  (Obviously a bad start to my first efforts.)

Others fully supported my attempt to come up with a solution but cautioned me not to let "new mother fear" rule my decisions. (OK, a little better response, but seemingly, my intent was still lost.)
 
Some saw the logic in it but didn't want to actually have to go to the "trouble" of all of that. (Really? it makes sense, but you don't want to have to actually do it? That was a sad little thought.)

Others thought I was loony toons and should work out some of my trust issues. (They've apparently failed to notice how much I have worked on these things in counseling the last couple of years.)

So basically, I had just either severely upset members of my family unintentionally, or caused others to question my ability to think rationally just because I'm preggers and this is my first biological kid.  (Never mind my decade of experience working with kids and in several instances being the only "parent" they had.)   Great.

As I was pondering through these responses/reactions I did eventually think,'I could just never post pictures on Facebook.'  But honestly, I've fallen into that trap of Facebook being the only way to communicate with certain members of my family.  They either live too far away and/or we don't see each other often, or I don't even have a clue what their email address is (and neither do some of them! They only got an email account so they could get on Facebook and don't remember how to access it!).  So yeah...Facebook really is just the easiest way to do it.  And my first attempt at Facebook boundaries was shaping up to be a disaster.  Now what?

I'm honestly not sure.  I could possibly create a private group and only allow family and close friends to access it.  But that doesn't solve my problem of grandparents wanting to share pictures.  I wish it were as easy as saying,' if you took it, you post it'.  But Andrew's parents live in Florida.  Most of the pictures they get will be ones we take and share with them.  My parents don't have a camera.  So again, unless we share it with them, they won't have pics of their own.  And naturally, they all have family and friends they want to share with too.  I don't want to keep them from that.

Perhaps I am overreacting as some family members implied.  Maybe I should just get over it and post pictures and not worry about where those pictures go and who accesses them.  And maybe I should never have tried to set the boundary with anyone other than myself and my husband.  I don't know.  Now I'm in a quandary.  I don't know what the best solution is or if there even is one. 

What do I know?  That my parents never had to even think about this and I am incredibly jealous.  And someday, my kid may have to think through situations that I never had to either.  For that I apologize now, kiddo.  And if I don't understand at first, please remind me of the great Facebook Fiasco of 2012.

So, I'm back where I started.  How do I teach and model online safety and protection of privacy for my kid starting now?  What does it look like?  How do I pour the foundation for his future safety? 

I hate when a question only leads to more questions...

To be or not to be...

Growing up, my mom and I always talked about whether or not using the term "mom to be" was appropriate or not.  She and I both thought...why "to be"? Aren't you a mom, the second that baby starts to exist?
You see, Mom had always been very honest with me about the fact that I wasn't her first child.  I have a brother or sister in heaven.  I always think it's a sister...mom always thinks it's a brother. Someday I'll get to know for sure.  I always wanted a brother...so that would be cool if mom is right.
But we always used specific terms with that baby.  It wasn't an "almost" baby.  (Seriously, someone said that once.)  It was my big brother or sister.  And mom always referred to the baby as her first child.  I knew that she had miscarried at 4 months and that the shock and pain had been as real as if she'd held that baby in her arms.  
That knowledge and honesty helped shape my own opinion of that "to be" or not "to be" issue.  That coupled with the fact that God tells us in His Word when life begins...the moment that baby is conceived.  As Christians, we believe that right?  We spend millions of dollars on pro-life/anti-abortion campaigns.  We have argued and fought and forced legislation through our respective political affiliations.  We believe that life begins at conception.

If we believe that life begins at conception...then why do we tell a mom that she isn't really a mom until a baby is born?


I know my mom was pained on many occasions by that careless opinion.  Her own healing process was made even harder because she felt like no one really understood how connected she was to that baby...her baby.  Her child.  She was a mom without a child.  But according to everyone around her...she wasn't a mom.  Not yet.  To them, she wouldn't be a mom until that first moment when she held me in the hospital after I was born into this world.  I can't imagine that.  To know something so wholly with your heart and mind...and to also have everyone around you simply brush over it.  Heartbreaking.

About a week before I found out I was pregnant my sweet friend told me her baby had gone to be with Jesus.  She will never get to hold that sweet little family member in this world...but oh how glorious the day when they meet face to face in eternity!!  I kinda hope I get to see that.
Through different conversations with my friend, I knew that she too felt the pain of knowing that for a few brief weeks here on earth she'd been a mom to a baby she wouldn't get to see here and now. Now she was a mom who's baby lived in heaven. She'd also felt the pain of others just not understanding that.  I was thankful for my own mom's honesty with me growing up and for her part in helping me understand that a mom is a mom...the moment that baby is conceived.  I was thankful that I was able to pray for my friend with that in mind.  I was thankful that I didn't add to the pain she was experiencing.

Since we started telling friends and family about our baby, I have had to take the "to be" comments with as much grace as possible.  But my patience has started to wear thin.  I am a mom.  Not a future mom or a mom to be...a MOM.  Now.

I voiced my current mom hood recently.  A family member was confused about why I had bought Andrew a Father's Day card and was excited about it being his "first" Father's Day.  (I was actually pregnant on Mother's Day and was so sad that I didn't get to celebrate my first one because I didn't know yet.).  They felt it was silly that I was asserting our parenthood status.  Specifically I was told...your not a mom yet.  To which I replied, "Oh yes, I am. And Andrew is a dad."   This family member then specified that I wasn't technically a mom until I physically held that baby in my arms.  I firmly re-stated that I was already a mom and that I became a mom that second that baby was conceived.  They disagreed and we left it at that.  No sense in causing family drama.  But my question that night was...if we truly believe that life begins at conception, why (WHY?!) do we not believe that parents begin there too?

My mom has a child in heaven.  Her child has a mommy on earth.  My friend Lisa, has a child in heaven.  Her child has a mommy on earth.  I have a child.  And that child most certainly has a mommy and daddy who loves them  right now and forever.  Not to be.  Never to be.  Always.  From the moment they were known by God who knit them together to the moment eternity comes and beyond.

So to be or not to be?  Not to be.  A hundred times over.

Baby!

On May 16th, 2012 about 2:30 p.m., I found out that we were parents.  Like, actual parents...to an actual human being.  It's not just my fur-babies anymore.   There's this amazing new life being woven together inside of me...God is seriously so cool.
I still have worries and fears and doubts.  But, I also have this sense of awe and wonder.  Every time I start to feel overwhelmed or start to freak out...God quietly whispers...look at what I've done...really look at it...now doesn't that deserve some reverence and worship?  Of course it does! And how can I be bothered with worry or fear when I am praising the One who creates?
I already love this baby so much.  Ridiculously and unashamedly.  So much so that I already find it hard to remember that he or she does not belong to me.  Baby B may be ours to love and protect and teach...but Baby B belongs to the Lord.  Always to the Lord.
Father,
May you always gently remind me that You are the One with the plan.  May I never lose sight of You and Your faithfulness.  May I continue to look to You and to remember that to trust and obey You, is more valuable than any other thing on this earth.
Amen.

Happily Ever After

Every time I start to believe the dream is real, 

More lies crowd in trying to reveal,

The flaw in the fairy tale.

I don't know what to believe, 

The lies sound closer to the truth these days.

You tell me happily ever after does exist,

So when does it begin?

The clock is striking midnight, 

The dragon has laid it's trap,

The curse is sinking in and

I feel just like the princess, 

Locked up in a tower.

I need a prince who will fight for me,

I need a knight in shining armor.

Even now I wonder,

Does he even exist?

And just when I think the dragon will win,

There You are again...

"I am your charming Prince, I am your hero Knight", you say.

"I'm right here and I will fight for you, 

The dragon I will slay.

No striking clock will end what I've begun,

No dragon's plot could ever be cunning enough,

No curse could ever be unbroken,

No tower tight could keep you from My love."

Every time I start to trade the lie for my perfect fairy tale, 

You sing out to me pointing out the flaws, 

The lies that try to steal.

Gently calling me to fall in love,

You reveal to me my happily ever does exist,

I have found that it is You.

Trust & Obey

I 've had the old hymn "Trust and Obey" stuck in my head for a week.  It just popped in there and hung around for a bit.  It was never one that particularly struck a chord with me or one of my top ten go-to hymns, but there it was.  I think the fact that it's a pretty good summary of my journey right now isn't coincidental.  Jesus says,'Trust Me', and I say,"I'll obey" has been the ebb and flow of me for a few months now.

Today, I sat working on some things and again, that old tune started up.  So, in an effort to get it out of my head, I googled it.  There they were: the lyrics.  Yes, I thought, I'll sing it a couple times and get it out of my head and move on.  The music started up and I glanced at the first verse and began to sing.  By verse two, I was unable to sing because the tears were flowing quickly and my voice was too thick with emotion to continue.

When we walk with the Lord
  In the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way;
  While we do His good will,
  He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

• Trust and obey,
  For there's no other way
  To be happy in Jesus,
    But to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise,
  Not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
  Not a doubt or a fear,
  Not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.  Look at the words.  Read them. Soak them in.  When we walk with the Lord, glory He sheds on our way, no shadow, no fear, no doubt, He drives them away while we trust and obey.  I have never felt more fearless...I've been trusting and obeying...I've never been so happy, even in the face of adversity, I've been trusting and obeying. 

Not a burden we bear,
  Not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
  Not a grief or a loss,
  Not a frown or a cross,
But is blest if we trust and obey.

My burdens? My sorrows? He repays them, He blesses me through them.  I truly get that now.

But we never can prove
  The delights of His love,
Until all on the altar we lay;
  For the favor He shows,
  And the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

This verse echoes in my heart: But we never can prove the delights of His love, until all on the altar we lay.  It's deep down Truth.  Until I trusted him and layed down all I had on the altar of obedience, I could never have enjoyed the delight of His love the way that I do now.  It is so much richer, sweeter, fuller...

Shift

I had a conversation with a former co-worker this week that ended up kinda blowing my mind.  It lasted about 20 minutes, but I still can't stop thinking about it and what resulted in my own heart because of it.  My whole world shifted because of one little light bulb moment.


The best way I can convey what happened to me is to recount the conversation and how God used it to stir something in me:


I visited my former workplace this week and began to talk to a former co-worker.  We had a 20 minute conversation about what I've been doing, my ministry efforts, and it turned to my desire to visit Ghana and actually help at Pearl House as a volunteer sporadically in the future.  This also led to talking about the issue of human trafficking and why I think Pearl House can make a difference.  


By the end of the conversation my co-worker looks at me and says: 
"I'm really glad that you're doing something you're passionate about and using it to get involved in this trafficking project and it's great that it upsets you BUT, don't let it drive you crazy. I mean you can't fix it or do a whole lot, I'd hate for you to go crazy over this and turn into one of those radicals. You're a good girl!"


I told her I would try not to be a crazy person and we parted. But inside my head Jesus and I were having another conversation:
Me: Huh, when did I become in danger of becoming a "radical"? And when did being called a "good girl" start to make me feel like it was a bad thing?
Jesus: Is being considered radical that bad?
Me: I don't feel radical.
Jesus: In her world you are.
Me: That's very sad.
Jesus: There's more.
Me: What?
Jesus: There's more. This is just the beginning.
Me: Oh dear. Beginning of what?
Jesus: You felt "radical" for the first time today because someone noticed that you have changed in the few months since you left here.
Me: I haven't changed THAT much...have I?
Jesus: You have. And it's radically different from the you that worked here.


In that tiny little moment I realized what God had been doing in me for the last few months.  For me, over time, it didn't seem like I was changing or had any major spiritual leaps.  But in one tiny moment, God moved the curtain a little and I was able to see what He had done in technicolor, wide screen, 3D, whatever you wanna call it, through the vantage point of someone on the outside of my life looking in.  A beacon of light broke down from the heavens and highlighted every little step I had taken and gave me a vision of who I was, who I am becoming, and who I could be.  BAM.  Shift.  Wow.  It was shocking.  Overwhelming. Breath taking.


Me: OH CRAP. YOU'RE RIGHT.
Jesus: And THAT is just the beginning.
Me: Whoa. I think my world just shifted a little. I'm excited and frightened and... Do I need to know anymore right now? Because I think I might freak out.
Jesus, with a definite smile in His voice: That's all for now. But you need to be ready for the rest.
End conversation.


My life and my heart are forever changed because of that itsy-bitsy, teeny-weeny, little glimpse from God.  I am a little less selfish.  I am a little more aware of my surroundings.  I realized I have a heart.  I can be compassionate.  I can be PASSIONATE.  


I find myself for the first time more willing that I have ever been to actually be fearless for the Lord and His calling.  Of course I'm terrified, but to be fearless doesn't mean I am unafraid...just willing to move beyond that crippling fear and into the freedom of obedience and life in Christ.  Being fearful= inaction.  Being fearless=action.  Make sense?


I don't know what's happening to me or where I'm headed.   I know it's Christ in me moving me towards something big.  I'm ready.  Bring it on.  I don't think I could ever look back now.  

There are over 27 million slaves in the world today.  Including the United States.

This number represents the men, women, and children who are forcibly, against their will, made to labor for another person.  This labor can be physical/manual labor in a factory, private home, field, etc...it can also mean they are forced into sexual labor for another person's profit.

Did you notice that I mentioned this happens in the United States?  Every. Day.  I'll do you one better, a little closer to home...It happens in OKLAHOMA.  Right here.  In the freakin' Bible Belt.

In fact, Oklahoma has been at the center of this nations battle with human trafficking consistently over the last few years.  This is because all major interstates run right smack through the middle of us.  We are literally the conveyor belt of human trafficking.

The average age and sex of those being trafficked for sexual slavery?  Between 12-23 year old girls.

You may think, well, that's awful but it doesn't really affect me, or what does that matter to me?

Well...do me a favor.  Go to this website www.slaveryfootprint.org and take the survey.  You'll see just how much you personally contribute to the problem.

Then go check some facts on the state department website.

Or check out www.ijm.org, www.asourown.org, www.oathcoalition.org, www.notforsalecampaign.org, www.truckersagainsttrafficking.com, www.humantrafficking.org.

You can also go read about Pearl House, an I.D. Ministries project, at www.courtneybullard.blogspot.com.

PLEASE educate yourselves about this! They say knowledge is power...I say what you do with that knowledge is powerful!! Be a positive power against slavery! Let's stop human trafficking in it's tracks!

New Year, New Adventure

Friends, we are only 9 days into this New Year and already I can't believe how much God has done and is going to do!! It's going to be a crazy (in a good way) year. I don't have much new to report on the job front, but praying for everyone involved as we decide how best to proceed.  I am confident that God will work it out in one way or another.  I have such peace about the calling He has placed on me that even if I continue to "volunteer" my ministry time, it's totally worth it.  But that isn't what this post is about.  In this post I want to talk about a different adventure. :)

In March I will be running my first half-marathon.  (Well...maybe walking it, but dang it I will try my best to run it.)  Now for some people this might be an attempt to compete or get fit or do something healthy.  But for me it's about something different.  It's about supporting a ministry that has become such an inspiration to me.  As Our Own is an organization in India that rescues girls out of human trafficking and takes them in "as their own"...they adopt these girls into their families and love them and take care of them for the rest of their lives.  AMAZING.

So, when I heard about this ministry and what they were doing I immediately started looking into ways to support them.  That's how I heard about the "I Will Run" campaign.  They started a campaign to ask supporters to raise money for the charity and awareness about human trafficking by competing in 10 races in 10 cities, highlighting the stories of 10 different girls.  I was hooked.   Fortunately, so was Nikki.  She was the person who first told me about this ministry and had been reading about the campaign as well.  Somehow we managed to get signed up, talk several other people into running with us, and start raising money.

The last two days I've been able to knock out 1.5 miles.  I can't imagine how I'll get to 13 miles.  But dang it.  I will do my very best to do it for Parul.

As I sat down to recover from my run today though, it hit me.  I am so blessed.  I mean I think I have it bad being a little sore and busting my tail to be prepared for a race.  I worry about little things like whether I will be able to help contribute to my family's income or not, when we have plenty and won't be hurting even if I can't pull off a paycheck.  I gripe about having to eat the same thing every day when there are so many who may not eat, let alone be able to eat something healthy.  As I type, I'm sitting on my comfy couch, in my warm house, using my MAC computer.  So many are cold, hungry, homeless, and take a warm cup of coffee over a fancy computer any day.

It hurt to think of how selfish and undeserving I am.  It hurt more that I realized I don't really think about these things.  I mean REALLY think about them.  I became heart broken all over again for these girls and what they have had to endure.  I praise God for the ones who are rescued.

My little run may not mean much in the grand scheme of things.  But I pray that every time I'm sore, or cold, or feel like quitting, I will remember that there is another girl out there somewhere who is more sore and colder and scared and I will run for her.  I will run because others need to know and be spurred into action.  I will run because her life means more to me than my own.  I will run because if I'm not running then I'm sitting around doing nothing...and nothing is no longer an option.

Friends, I hope you'll take some time today to go check out As Our Own.  www.asourown.org  They are amazing and you should support them.

My next post will be a look into America's role in human trafficking.  I think it will surprise you.  I hope it will spur you into action.

White Flag (Or New Orders)

I couldn't decide how I wanted to title this post...in keeping with my battle theme from the first two, I thought 'white flag' was appropriate, but then it also sounded like I was giving up, when in reality I was very much victorious.  So then I thought, 'new orders' because even though I won, I'm also moving on.  So I went with both.  Sort of.  Anyway...

My last post talked about the drama I had going on at work, in particular with my boss, and about how God had asked me to trust him and I wasn't sure at the time what that meant exactly.  Ready to find out? :)

After my boss refused to talk things through with me (in fact, refused to talk to me at all), I went back to my assistant director and talked to her.  I had several options, all of which would only lead to more drama, more stress, and no real solution.

So we prayed.  She prayed.  I prayed.  My husband, family, close friends...all of us prayed.  And then God spoke so clearly it was almost audible (at least for me):  'TRUST ME'.  Only this time, He also said,' LEAVE'.  And by leave, I mean my job.  So, I turned in my two weeks notice and as of December 22, I am no longer employed.

I have to admit, leaving without knowing what I was stepping into was pretty scary for me.  I am a planner.  I like plans.  Especially ones with a beginning, middle, and end.  And me seeing all of those things from the beginning.

As God asked me to leave the library I remember saying to Him, 'Ok, but..uh...what's next?'  I had been turning in resumes and applications at every opportunity I had seen for two months.  I hadn't had one call back.  As I asked, Holy Spirit spoke up.  He said, 'Courtney, do you trust the Lord?'  'Well, yeah, 'I answered.  'Then have faith.'

Have faith?  Uh oh.  God rarely utters those two words without crazy stuff happening afterword.  Just look at what happened to Abraham (became the father of a nation) or Moses (became the leader of a nation) or Mary (became mother to the Messiah!!).  CRAZY STUFF.

Now, my case isn't that extreme, but at the time I didn't know that. Ha ha.  So I ran to my hubby and closest prayer warriors and asked them to PRAY.  I mean, REALLY PRAY.  :)  And they did.

Hubby and I both prayed specifically that God would give us a clearer picture of what He meant when He said, "Trust Me and have faith".  Boy, did He answer.  It may not have been a call to lead a nation...but it was pretty life changing.

'What?! What did He answer?!', you ask?  He asked me to quit my job.  Then He asked me to trust Him.  Then He asked me to have faith.  Then He asked me to give Him my time.  All of it.  He asked me to enter into full-time ministry.  And He asked me to trust that He would provide for my family financially, because the ministry He wanted me to be a part of full-time can't pay me unless I raise my own support.

Yeah.  I'm pretty blown away too.

So, I put on my big girl panties and said,'OK, Lord.'

I enlisted friends to pray.   I drew up a "business plan" for the founder of the ministry to look at and waited.  That turned into such an enthusiastic response, I can't even do it justice here, ha ha.  Let's just say that God gave me a HUGE vision for my future in I.D. Ministries and Courtney Belle was VERY excited.

So that led to making contact through another I.D. person with someone who could help me figure out how to make this happen financially.  And that turned into getting my first guaranteed donor towards my first paycheck.  And an invaluable resource and 'mentor' so to speak!!

I'm still not 100% sure how everything will work or when it will all be nailed down.  And even if I don't make a dime, I will be devoting my time and attention to the calling God has placed on me.  I can't wait!

I am PUMPED UP right now.  God is so good.  And I can't wait to see where else these new orders will lead me.

"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord,"Plans to prosper you and not to harm you.  Plans to give you hope and a future."  Jeremiah 29:11